[It had been a week since the spell broke. A week, and Billy still slept, the IVs in his arms being a new addition since he was first brought into the room to rest. He needed nutrients, something to keep his body alive while he stayed unconscious. At first, he'd been in such a deep sleep that he barely even twitched. But as the days passed, he began to have nightmares, frequently, incomprehensible to those on the outside. His body really was catching up on everything that it needed.

And throughout it all, Teddy stayed by his side. He slept beside him sometimes, either from another bed pushed beside his or by just climbing in with him. He read, two books of fantasy early on, and one on health, states of unconsciousness specifically, and all three had a place on the night stand. He healed, the bruises on his neck fading within a day, the hole in his leg closing within two, and his wings just a day away from being completely healed, just a few more feathers to reach their full length. He walked around the room, sometimes ventured to the hallway, he talked to Billy, read the entirety of both fantasy books to him, and even had a third with him. And every time he had a nightmare, Teddy was there, a solid presence that stroked his hair and forehead, knowing by now that breaking him out of it would only cause them to be more prolonged later.

He was always there, for both Billy and for himself.

He worried, too. Worried about his own self, what it meant to be him anymore, what Billy truly meant when he said he loved all of him, all of him, no matter the faults, no matter what Teddy hated about himself... How could that be true, when he had a perfectly good version of Teddy to be by his side for a week? When all affected didn't notice he was gone? When Billy let the fake try to kill him? It ate at him, and only through reading and focusing on his own physical therapy, and talking to Mia, did he keep them at bay. And yet when all was quiet...

For now, it wasn't quiet. Teddy had a book open, again reading to him, knowing how good it could be for unconscious patients. It gives the brain something to focus on, something to give it some activity, and anything to help him, anything...]

- "shook his head and wandered off, but I was lost in my thoughts and hardly noticed. I had wanted answers, and in spite of all I had thought, Elodin had been trying to give them to me. What I had taken as malicious crypticism on his part was actually a persistent urging toward the truth. I sat there, silent and stunned by the scope of his instruction. By my lack of understanding. By my lack of sight."

[This isn't one of those times where the boyfriend answers and keeps reading, having taken the response as one of their conversations, only to realize a moment later. No, Teddy hasn't had anything but the occasional murmur for the last few days, noises that would make Teddy jerk his head up, only to lower it again and keep reading, or whatever he was doing.

This isn't a comedy. When he hears those words, just as he was starting the next chapter, he immediately cuts himself off, stares at the pages and feels like he has to repeat every word in his head.

I fell asleep, missed the chapter.

I fell asleep, missed the chapter.

I fell asleep, missed the chapter.

Those were clearer than anything Billy has ever said. Again, Teddy snaps his gaze to his boyfriend, and he sees those eyes open, those -

Those blue eyes that he saw when he was controlling the spell. Warm elation quickly drops down into icy dread, then a shaky balance of the two between his chest and stomach as he drops the book to the floor, and in the next second, is standing beside the bed.]

Billy? ... B? Are you awake? [He takes his hand, the uninjured one, just as he did many, many times before while Billy slept.]

No... I'm not a dream.

[Teddy leans forward, enough to brush Billy's cheek with his free hand, first with the back of his fingers, then cupped against his palm.]

I'm real. I'm here. [He does, at least, let one side of his lips quirk up, forming something like a half smile.] I told you I wasn't going to leave you.

... You knew?

[If nothing else... If nothing else, it proves that everything he did had been for something. He told Billy he wouldn't leave him... and he didn't, and Billy knew he didn't.

It's enough.

And maybe it's enough for Billy, enough to understand past those blue eyes of his.]

Yeah... who else.

[That fake he had hanging around could certainly have been. Is that who Billy's thinking of now?

...

No. He's finally awake. Don't think like that.

A buried part of him wants to lean in and bump his forehead against Billy's. But everything he'd been thinking about, every conclusion he never reached, and the eyes that stare at him hold him back, making him stay where he is, even though he brushes Billy's cheekbone with his thumb.]

I read three whole stories. Were you there for them? I could read them again for you sometime.

[Teddy looks up at the ceiling too, and he seems to understand what Billy's missing. The stars. Teddy misses them too, though knowing how they were created -

No, they were absolutely breathtaking then, a gesture of thoughtfulness and... and... love, knowing Teddy's disappointment with the stars that showed up at night in Luceti. And they'll be breathtaking when they get back, too.

Billy's so capable of great things.

...

Great and terrible.

He just... has to remember that.]

No... it's the clinic. [He looks down at Billy again, just studying his features, trying to make sense of this, of what's going on now of what he wants of what he needs if you could change anything about me what would you -]

You were hurt. Your shoulder, remember? ... This might be hard to believe, but you've been out for a week, B.

Billy!

[This - This was unexpected, completely, but Teddy still acts. He grabs Billy's arm with both of his hands, and with his strength returned, it's all too easy to keep it immobile, use just the right amount of strength to keep it still, yet not to hurt. Billy might be awake now, but he still needs those, still needs to rest for a little while longer.]

Billy, Billy, calm down... What's not right? What's wrong?

[Teddy turns his eyes up to him, too, seeing the fear in those pale blue depths, hearing the calm and eerie voice voice say something he already knew.

And he doesn't look away because he already knew, and Billy knows, too, somewhere in there. He doesn't resist this time; with one hand still gripping Billy's arm, the other rests against his cheek again as he leans forward, enough to touch their foreheads together.]

I know.

[He shuts his eyes, tries to pretend that Billy can hear him.]

I know.

I miss you.

[If it weren't for the fact that Billy needed an answer, Teddy would've thought for a good while about what that one whisper meant.

But Billy did need an answer, and Teddy couldn't let that amount of self-loathing go past him unchecked. So he lets go of his arm to have both hands on his cheeks, forehead nuzzling slightly against Billy's before he pulls back, daring to look into those eyes again.]

I miss you because I love you, Billy Kaplan.

I love you, even though you made a mistake. You did. I know that. And I know that deep down, you're suffering from it.

I know that you'll do whatever it takes to fix it, too. When you can. I'll be here to help you up, too.

And... even if you don't hear a word I say, B, just know one thing: I love you. I love you so much.

[Teddy lowers his own head, too, to see the transition from blue to that half-brown color. It gives him a bit of hope, just a burning little ember against the wick of a candle. He wants to believe that Billy will find himself enough now to pull himself back completely and show him those fully brown eyes again, and because of that want, he can feel that hope grow. And it hurts, because he just has this feeling that it won't last long.

He tries to push it to something else instead; Billy's words, rather than his eyes. He's still unsure of everything, and it sounds like he's... stuck between realities, or something. What's real and what isn't. And Teddy - Teddy's stuck in one, and he can't follow Billy to wherever he is. Just call and call and hope he makes it back to him someday.

But he can call. Billy hears him, everything he says... even if it doesn't quite reach him. He hears it.

He keeps his eyes on Billy's for as long as the brown remains, wishing so hard that they'd stay, but knowing they won't. He simply holds on for as long as he can, until Billy inevitably slips away again.]

Then... hear me when I say this, Billy.

I'll wait until you do know. Until you know what to do and what to say, I'll wait.

[Do you understand?

I'll wait as long as it takes for you.]

[While this means Teddy can't see Billy's eyes, he still wraps his arms around his torso, avoiding the shoulders due to his injury, and presses his nose to Billy's hair. As much as he wants to say that it's okay, it isn't, both he and Billy know that. To say so would just be to fill an empty void, a lie so obvious that neither of them would believe it.]

I'm sorry, too... I'm sorry...

[For not being there. For not stopping him sooner. For not being his... For not being everything that he wanted.

I could change a thousand things about myself if it meant making you happy...

But he can't say that. He's sure Billy is still lost, and he knows he wouldn't get a good answer if he did.

So he just holds him, stroking his back gently.]

... I'm sorry I wasn't here for you.

[Better than the alternative. Better to present this than something that could make or destroy him. And... Billy needs to know, too. What happened. He doesn't know what Billy thought happened to him... but he needs to hear it.]

They locked me in a cell for a week and let my healing take care of my wings. I didn't... know what they'd done to you after... after I woke up, and no one ever came by to do or say anything. I could barely even more for a while... I'm sorry...

[... Teddy's never heard Billy laugh like that before, ever. It makes him stare at the wall, deep concern showing in his features when he pulls back, holds Billy's shoulders and tries to look at his eyes again.]

Billy, I don't understand.