ragnarsson: ([17.20] Axe time)
Ivar "The Boneless" Ragnarsson ([personal profile] ragnarsson) wrote in [community profile] riverview2017-11-16 06:57 pm

Video; 1-800-MURDERS

[The video starts off with some cheesy infomercial music, the kind usually found on a device that will cut your hair better or replace all your kitchen devices with one. The narrator, one Jamie Dodger, accompanies a series of drawings.]

Has this ever happened to you?

[A piece of paper is held in front of the camera, showing a crude drawing of someone being violently stabbed to death. Or maybe it's a plate of spaghetti; regardless of which of them drew it, the truth is that their art skills are crap.]

Well, with the help of this eight-step training process, it won't have to. [Dodger's voice lacks every ounce of enthusiasm these infomercials are known for, which is probably why his own video back in the day had been text-only.] Just follow your instructor's guidance and one day you could look like this.

[And again, this drawing is either... someone standing over a pile of corpses, or maybe just a sack of potatoes and some of them have faces? Who knows.]

Time to meet your instructor - Phil Swift himself.

[The video pans over to Ivar, who has the usual somewhat grumpy expression on his face. It’s clear he doesn’t really get this whole idea, but he’s been talked into it. He’ll humor everyone...for now.]

Say something.

Like what?

Sell the product. [Dodger turns the music off with a frustrated huff.] We're not shooting another take.

Fine. [Ivar gives the camera only the most dramatic of all eyerolls.] You all are idiots. I don't care if you have powers, powers don't stop a knife stabbed in your throat. I will teach you to stab people before they stab you. [He looks off to the side of the camera.] Was that good?

...Sure.

[There's an awkward pause here as the boys stare each other down with silent and mutual distaste, before Dodger switches the music back on and resumes his narration.]]

With our teachings you'll be able to stab unaware enemies - [Ivar slices his axe across a dummy's back that they had set up] - slice moving targets - [Dodger throws a pillow from off-screen, and Ivar catches it with his axe and slams it down into the floor] - and even counter fireballs, all from the comfort of your broken leg throne.

[There's another long moment of silence, as Ivar slowly looks up with a cold fire in his eyes.]

And now, ladies and gentleman, for the finale, you get to see a live demonstration. [He yanks his axe back out and there’s a psychotic grin on his face.] Start running, Dodger.

[The video concludes with the device that music is coming from knocking over and warping the sound of the tune with an eerie lilt, and cuts out with a flash of sparks and a loud pop as Dodger dodges an incoming throwing axe.]

[OOC: Know that there will be a lot of threadjacking going on in this post. Dodger and he are horrible human beings.]

» video, un: stormborn

[personal profile] jelmazmo 2017-11-17 05:29 am (UTC)(link)
So, this is what a sellsword does in this world.

( Ngl: she's disappointed. This level of bravado and showmanship is much more Daario's style than this boy. At least at first glance. )

[personal profile] jelmazmo 2017-11-17 06:09 am (UTC)(link)
What are you usually, then?

( Now, she's curious. The son of a king, she knows all too well, can be merely a man. Viserys had shown that to her. As had Rhaegar, if anything she's heard of him is true.

She sits straighter, considering his words. )


I've never attempted it. But yes, and there is an entire company of them still in my service. They maintain my interests abroad while I save my kingdom.

Or so I was attempting to do before arriving here.

[personal profile] jelmazmo 2017-11-17 06:45 am (UTC)(link)
A valuable skill in war, but what about peacetime?

( Viserys had claimed the same about Rhaegar. Ser Barristan had said something much different. She supposes it all depends upon whether or not this man has tried anything else. )

I wonder what that might be; as I can surmise you're inferring more than simply an amount of coin to divide among your men.

[personal profile] jelmazmo 2017-11-17 07:47 am (UTC)(link)
For Vikings, or for people, would you say? For a time, I lived among the Dothraki; horse lords. Once, they'd united together beneath one banner and laid waste to so much of Essos that the cities still offered them tribute whenever a khalasar approached. But once there was nothing left to conquer, the khalasars went their separate ways.

No longer a single herd. They fought and squabbled amongst one-another and squandered what greatness they had among weak, stupid leaders. I can understand why your people are the way they are, but by the same token, at some point people have to live.

( She's not really lecturing him at all; she, herself is a conqueror. But as she's recently seen, sometimes there are much more important things in life. )

So long as your people and theirs work together in such an arrangement, there would seem an element of sense to it. The leader of my mercenary company was left for all intents and purposes a king in his own right.

I wonder, what is your price?

[personal profile] jelmazmo 2017-11-17 10:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Indeed. Their leader must have a mount worthy of their status among them, and I lead them all. A pity that my dragons were kept apart from me by whomever operates the gate here.

( She gives him a long, measured look and finally inclines her head. )

Good. Do you trust those who've brought us here?

[personal profile] jelmazmo 2017-11-20 01:35 am (UTC)(link)
Two, but they didn't arrive with me. I was aboard a ship that morning.

( She pauses, and then amends, steel and resolve tightly wound in her voice: ) I will see them returned to me.

So we are needed in this city that the natives haven't left, for some reason or other. With all that territory out there, uninhabited. There is something more than a little strange about that.

( Her desire to hold loyalty only to Jon and to herself has been justified; good. )

[personal profile] jelmazmo 2017-11-21 08:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Best they do; no other would be able to keep them in check. Ah, yes. The black one at the feast? I saw him, too. My Drogon is black, too, but much larger.

( That is to say that merely looking at Toothless puts her own dragon to mind. She'll never admit it, but it brings pain as much as joy to see one in this world and have it not be her own. )

So our purpose here is to do that which the natives seem either unwilling or unable to do. I'm not interested in that. Are you?

( She wants her own territory, to have her own purpose. Not to have both decided for her. )

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smokedout: Go on the date just to get the dress off ♪ (4 ♪ Oh yeah I'm a sexy mess)

@dodger//audio

[personal profile] smokedout 2017-11-17 06:35 am (UTC)(link)
In this world, sellswords do whatever they can to keep themselves sane. There's no use for us around here.

[Well, isn't someone moody.]

Nowadays we call them 'hired guns', though. You from the past, like Ragnarsson?

[personal profile] jelmazmo 2017-11-17 06:56 am (UTC)(link)
Does no one at all hold territory outside the gates of this city which require defending?

( Daario would hate this place. )

I'm from Westeros, born on Dragonstone. Your question is absurd.

( Is it, though? )
smokedout: But not me ♪ (6 ♪ Everybody out there on the job)

[personal profile] smokedout 2017-11-17 01:44 pm (UTC)(link)
[Okay. Not the past, just a fantasy land. That... does answer his question.]

You been outside the walls, princess? You'd need a small army just to keep yourself alive overnight. Pretty much everything there has a taste for everything else.

[personal profile] jelmazmo 2017-11-17 09:58 pm (UTC)(link)
The proper term is 'Your Grace.' And you say that as if it were impossible. It's easily done if folk actually work together.
smokedout: Not in the face, but in the head ♪ (7 ♪ Oh yeah I'm an ugly mess)

[personal profile] smokedout 2017-11-18 03:02 am (UTC)(link)
Listen, I'm not saying you shouldn't go out and conquer the night terrors. But people don't just work together - you need money, power or fear. And I don't see any in your hands.

[He pauses to consider.]

Then again... if you do scrounge up some cash to make it worth my while, I'd be willing to give it a try.

[personal profile] jelmazmo 2017-11-19 04:38 am (UTC)(link)
( Her eyes gleam, and she raises her head as a knowing little smile plays upon her lips. )

Not the first time a man has said something like that to me. Don't worry about wealth, lands or an army—I've some experience in acquiring those quickly. I'll make no promises yet, but my hands don't hold nothing, ser.

They hold possibilities.

( The last men to doubt her in a similar fashion had died by Grey Worm's hand; Ser Jorah had witnessed the birth of her dragons, and changed his tune quickly. Dany doesn't concern herself with proving her capability to men any longer. It will happen; because she will not suffer otherwise. Raising an eyebrow at him now, she responds dryly: )

How intrepid of you.
smokedout: I let him enter to make some more ♪ (16 ♪ The kind of fun that I adore)

[personal profile] smokedout 2017-11-19 09:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Everyone's hands hold potential, not many people use it. I'll reserve my judgement.

[Which is a kindness, as far as he's concerned. She seems cocky and looks strange - in his experience the two together make it hard to prove your worth to others. Still, he's not opposed to claiming territory and fighting for it; it would give him something to do.]

...What's your name, anyway?

[personal profile] jelmazmo 2017-11-20 09:43 am (UTC)(link)
Then that is the folly of the many. Your generosity knows no bounds.

( She'll take it, but she's caught somewhere internally between annoyance and an urge to dismiss him outright, at least for now. Hearing the doubts of men grows tiresome.

So she'll use it to motivate herself, instead. )


Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons.
northerndragon: technically they're boots. king boots. (the keyword is on my shoes)

[NOT HERE]

[personal profile] northerndragon 2017-11-20 09:49 am (UTC)(link)
[On one hand, he understands why she would choose to introduce herself in this conversation with this particular list of titles. They're calculated to impress, but even if they don't, most of them represent her achievements, or things she cares about.

On the other, it's so long.]
smokedout: When I go to the store I go undressed ♪ (3 ♪ Fuck yeah I'm a deviant)

[personal profile] smokedout 2017-11-26 02:38 pm (UTC)(link)
[He's bored by the third name... but he scribbles the whole thing down on a scrap of paper for later reference.]

Princess it is.

[He also doesn't know how to spell her name, and is guessing 'Daneris'.]

Folks call me Dodger. If we're trading reputations, all you need to know is that my loyalty is hard to earn and easy to lose, and if I have an issue with someone, they disappear. Let's not test that 'unburnt' part, yeah?

[This is his attempt at being friendly.]

[personal profile] jelmazmo 2017-11-29 10:49 am (UTC)(link)
If you have a wish to die, by all means keep calling me that.

( What a churl. )

Thank you for letting me know that you're not worth my time. That title has already been tested —twice. Threaten me again, and it will be you tied to the pyre as I walk into the flames.

( She has nothing left to say, bored with the D- threats. The screen goes black. )