Ivar "The Boneless" Ragnarsson (
ragnarsson) wrote in
riverview2017-11-16 06:57 pm
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
Entry tags:
- magnificent seven: billy rocks,
- marvel (616): steve rogers,
- original: shigeru miyata,
- star wars: rey,
- ✖ bssm (manga): sailor galaxia,
- ✖ chb chronicles: nico di angelo,
- ✖ game of thrones: daenerys targaryen,
- ✖ game of thrones: jon snow,
- ✖ gravity rush: raven,
- ✖ original: jamie dodger,
- ✖ osomatsu-san: osomatsu matsuno,
- ✖ overwatch: hana song,
- ✖ the covenant: chase collins,
- ✖ vikings: ivar ragnarsson
Video; 1-800-MURDERS
[The video starts off with some cheesy infomercial music, the kind usually found on a device that will cut your hair better or replace all your kitchen devices with one. The narrator, one Jamie Dodger, accompanies a series of drawings.]
Has this ever happened to you?
[A piece of paper is held in front of the camera, showing a crude drawing of someone being violently stabbed to death. Or maybe it's a plate of spaghetti; regardless of which of them drew it, the truth is that their art skills are crap.]
Well, with the help of this eight-step training process, it won't have to. [Dodger's voice lacks every ounce of enthusiasm these infomercials are known for, which is probably why his own video back in the day had been text-only.] Just follow your instructor's guidance and one day you could look like this.
[And again, this drawing is either... someone standing over a pile of corpses, or maybe just a sack of potatoes and some of them have faces? Who knows.]
Time to meet your instructor - Phil Swift himself.
[The video pans over to Ivar, who has the usual somewhat grumpy expression on his face. It’s clear he doesn’t really get this whole idea, but he’s been talked into it. He’ll humor everyone...for now.]
Say something.
Like what?
Sell the product. [Dodger turns the music off with a frustrated huff.] We're not shooting another take.
Fine. [Ivar gives the camera only the most dramatic of all eyerolls.] You all are idiots. I don't care if you have powers, powers don't stop a knife stabbed in your throat. I will teach you to stab people before they stab you. [He looks off to the side of the camera.] Was that good?
...Sure.
[There's an awkward pause here as the boys stare each other down with silent and mutual distaste, before Dodger switches the music back on and resumes his narration.]]
With our teachings you'll be able to stab unaware enemies - [Ivar slices his axe across a dummy's back that they had set up] - slice moving targets - [Dodger throws a pillow from off-screen, and Ivar catches it with his axe and slams it down into the floor] - and even counter fireballs, all from the comfort of your broken leg throne.
[There's another long moment of silence, as Ivar slowly looks up with a cold fire in his eyes.]
And now, ladies and gentleman, for the finale, you get to see a live demonstration. [He yanks his axe back out and there’s a psychotic grin on his face.] Start running, Dodger.
[The video concludes with the device that music is coming from knocking over and warping the sound of the tune with an eerie lilt, and cuts out with a flash of sparks and a loud pop as Dodger dodges an incoming throwing axe.]
[OOC: Know that there will be a lot of threadjacking going on in this post. Dodger and he are horrible human beings.]
Has this ever happened to you?
[A piece of paper is held in front of the camera, showing a crude drawing of someone being violently stabbed to death. Or maybe it's a plate of spaghetti; regardless of which of them drew it, the truth is that their art skills are crap.]
Well, with the help of this eight-step training process, it won't have to. [Dodger's voice lacks every ounce of enthusiasm these infomercials are known for, which is probably why his own video back in the day had been text-only.] Just follow your instructor's guidance and one day you could look like this.
[And again, this drawing is either... someone standing over a pile of corpses, or maybe just a sack of potatoes and some of them have faces? Who knows.]
Time to meet your instructor - Phil Swift himself.
[The video pans over to Ivar, who has the usual somewhat grumpy expression on his face. It’s clear he doesn’t really get this whole idea, but he’s been talked into it. He’ll humor everyone...for now.]
Say something.
Like what?
Sell the product. [Dodger turns the music off with a frustrated huff.] We're not shooting another take.
Fine. [Ivar gives the camera only the most dramatic of all eyerolls.] You all are idiots. I don't care if you have powers, powers don't stop a knife stabbed in your throat. I will teach you to stab people before they stab you. [He looks off to the side of the camera.] Was that good?
...Sure.
[There's an awkward pause here as the boys stare each other down with silent and mutual distaste, before Dodger switches the music back on and resumes his narration.]]
With our teachings you'll be able to stab unaware enemies - [Ivar slices his axe across a dummy's back that they had set up] - slice moving targets - [Dodger throws a pillow from off-screen, and Ivar catches it with his axe and slams it down into the floor] - and even counter fireballs, all from the comfort of your broken leg throne.
[There's another long moment of silence, as Ivar slowly looks up with a cold fire in his eyes.]
And now, ladies and gentleman, for the finale, you get to see a live demonstration. [He yanks his axe back out and there’s a psychotic grin on his face.] Start running, Dodger.
[The video concludes with the device that music is coming from knocking over and warping the sound of the tune with an eerie lilt, and cuts out with a flash of sparks and a loud pop as Dodger dodges an incoming throwing axe.]
[OOC: Know that there will be a lot of threadjacking going on in this post. Dodger and he are horrible human beings.]
» video, un: stormborn
( Ngl: she's disappointed. This level of bravado and showmanship is much more Daario's style than this boy. At least at first glance. )
no subject
[Indeed, had he attempted this at the start, Ivar likely would have ended up gutting any potential students. He's made quite a bit of progress in that regard.]
But I've found teaching people has some satisfaction to it. Is a sellsword some sort of mercenary in your world?
no subject
( Now, she's curious. The son of a king, she knows all too well, can be merely a man. Viserys had shown that to her. As had Rhaegar, if anything she's heard of him is true.
She sits straighter, considering his words. )
I've never attempted it. But yes, and there is an entire company of them still in my service. They maintain my interests abroad while I save my kingdom.
Or so I was attempting to do before arriving here.
no subject
[Ivar's a fighter. All of his strengths, whether it comes to mapping out battles, or using his weapons, all boil down to being able to take down an opponent.]
Vikings will sometimes fight for those who require fighters that can end a conflict quickly. But our services come at a high cost.
[They were never satisfied with just the basic payment, gold, silver, and the like. Vikings wanted things like land, places they could put down roots, ships they could sail to new places in. There were very few willing to give them that.]
no subject
( Viserys had claimed the same about Rhaegar. Ser Barristan had said something much different. She supposes it all depends upon whether or not this man has tried anything else. )
I wonder what that might be; as I can surmise you're inferring more than simply an amount of coin to divide among your men.
no subject
[It was a culture of war, the kind the world had rarely seen, and that would disappear eventually. The Vikings' star was to burn bright and fast.]
It varies. My father's price was land, for our own is poor to grow crops and raise families on. My uncle's was a title, to be raised up among other men, and marry a princess. Mine is neither.
[What does Ivar want? Revenge. To seek death on all those that have ever wronged him. He'll see England burned to the ground by his hand before he is done.]
no subject
No longer a single herd. They fought and squabbled amongst one-another and squandered what greatness they had among weak, stupid leaders. I can understand why your people are the way they are, but by the same token, at some point people have to live.
( She's not really lecturing him at all; she, herself is a conqueror. But as she's recently seen, sometimes there are much more important things in life. )
So long as your people and theirs work together in such an arrangement, there would seem an element of sense to it. The leader of my mercenary company was left for all intents and purposes a king in his own right.
I wonder, what is your price?
no subject
[Ivar and his brothers had proven they were truly sons of their father by forming the largest army ever seen to avenge his death.
At her question, he smiles just a little.]
Something that has no value here and therefore can't be used against me.
no subject
( She gives him a long, measured look and finally inclines her head. )
Good. Do you trust those who've brought us here?
no subject
[He sounds excited by the possibility. She's not the first he's met here with a dragon, but it's still cool nonetheless.]
To an extent. They clearly still need us or we would have been killed by now. As to what that purpose is, that is where I have trouble trusting them.
no subject
( She pauses, and then amends, steel and resolve tightly wound in her voice: ) I will see them returned to me.
So we are needed in this city that the natives haven't left, for some reason or other. With all that territory out there, uninhabited. There is something more than a little strange about that.
( Her desire to hold loyalty only to Jon and to herself has been justified; good. )
no subject
[Toothless had been just about the coolest thing he'd ever seen, so Ivar was eager to see another.]
A little bit, but no one's been able to determine what they want us for more than taking back parts of the abandoned city and keeping the monsters out of the part already inhabited.
no subject
( That is to say that merely looking at Toothless puts her own dragon to mind. She'll never admit it, but it brings pain as much as joy to see one in this world and have it not be her own. )
So our purpose here is to do that which the natives seem either unwilling or unable to do. I'm not interested in that. Are you?
( She wants her own territory, to have her own purpose. Not to have both decided for her. )
no subject
[Clearly asking only the most important questions here.]
I've carved out a life for myself here over the time I've been here.
[Which is not precisely an answer to her question, but Ivar has no good response. Has he grown complacent without realizing it? He wonders.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
@dodger//audio
[Well, isn't someone moody.]
Nowadays we call them 'hired guns', though. You from the past, like Ragnarsson?
no subject
( Daario would hate this place. )
I'm from Westeros, born on Dragonstone. Your question is absurd.
( Is it, though? )
no subject
You been outside the walls, princess? You'd need a small army just to keep yourself alive overnight. Pretty much everything there has a taste for everything else.
no subject
no subject
[He pauses to consider.]
Then again... if you do scrounge up some cash to make it worth my while, I'd be willing to give it a try.
no subject
Not the first time a man has said something like that to me. Don't worry about wealth, lands or an army—I've some experience in acquiring those quickly. I'll make no promises yet, but my hands don't hold nothing, ser.
They hold possibilities.
( The last men to doubt her in a similar fashion had died by Grey Worm's hand; Ser Jorah had witnessed the birth of her dragons, and changed his tune quickly. Dany doesn't concern herself with proving her capability to men any longer. It will happen; because she will not suffer otherwise. Raising an eyebrow at him now, she responds dryly: )
How intrepid of you.
no subject
[Which is a kindness, as far as he's concerned. She seems cocky and looks strange - in his experience the two together make it hard to prove your worth to others. Still, he's not opposed to claiming territory and fighting for it; it would give him something to do.]
...What's your name, anyway?
no subject
( She'll take it, but she's caught somewhere internally between annoyance and an urge to dismiss him outright, at least for now. Hearing the doubts of men grows tiresome.
So she'll use it to motivate herself, instead. )
Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons.
[NOT HERE]
On the other, it's so long.]
no subject
Princess it is.
[He also doesn't know how to spell her name, and is guessing 'Daneris'.]
Folks call me Dodger. If we're trading reputations, all you need to know is that my loyalty is hard to earn and easy to lose, and if I have an issue with someone, they disappear. Let's not test that 'unburnt' part, yeah?
[This is his attempt at being friendly.]
no subject
( What a churl. )
Thank you for letting me know that you're not worth my time. That title has already been tested —twice. Threaten me again, and it will be you tied to the pyre as I walk into the flames.
( She has nothing left to say, bored with the D- threats. The screen goes black. )