[Coming home with puffy eyes and a red nose isn't exactly dignified, but try as he might, dignified is not the first adjective that comes to mind when describing Asher Millstone.
It is the murder that should bother him most, and yet it does not.
Sam Keating may as well be another name in the papers. He is a specter of a man, a face from the first day of school, familiar but slowly fading in a mind that has had so much more to think about since then.
He does his best not to stir his supposedly sleeping boyfriend, entering abruptly and then stopping mid-motion as his hand tightens around the doorknob.]
[There's no such luck. As the door unlocks and creaks open, he rolls over, blinking sleepily in the darkness.]
Ash?
[Jin's never been a particularly heavy sleeper, and he just doesn't sleep as well without the familiar warmth of his partner beside him, anyway. To tell the truth, he doesn't much like having to sleep without Asher, either-- but when he sleeps so much earlier than him, he's got to compromise every once in a while.]
Asher should not find comfort in that, not so belatedly and not now when Jin turns sleepily towards him, cheeks flushed and lids groggy with sleep. Something about the peace of it calms him down though his mind is still reeling from the impact of what he has just learned.
Of all the time he has wasted pitying himself.]
I... I dunno, actually.
[The words are uttered with a half-smile.]
Late, I guess.
[He shrugs his jacket off his shoulders, the lush fabric of it still in his hands as he takes a seat at the corner of the bed.]
[He utters a non-committal, barely verbal sound of agreement. It's been a long day of more training and more preparing himself for their upcoming last stand; give him another second to wake up.]
Mhm.
[He manages to raise himself up on an elbow as Asher's jacket comes off.]
Hey. [A tired smile.] Come to bed.
[Thoughts of Zymandis can wait. This is about all he's got on his mind right now.]
[Asher flops against the mattress and onto his side, leaning into the sheets.
The white of the archer's linens has faded to a darker hue, not quite as light as the first time he'd seen and felt them on his skin, but more comfortable, somehow. Still, the color contrasts with the various patches of red in his face, still sensitive and not quite dry.
Dim lighting aside, there's no way Jin won't notice.]
This close enough?
[Even if those words are followed by a half-hearted scoff, there is little pretense there. Asher in no way means to hide how he's been feeling, and in fact, a part of him selfishly seeks a reaction.]
[Dim lighting, nothing. As much as he'd love to simply smile and drift right back off, his partner beside him where he should be... Jin knows his boyfriend.
His voice is off. There's a conspicuous something lacking in his tone: it's the sound of Asher burying some problem or hurt, whatever it is that's weighing on his heart pulling him just a little lower try as he might to buoy himself back up to the surface.
Jin shifts, and the bed creaks a little under the movement. His hand reaches for Asher's face, and when his palm falls into place cupped around Asher's cheek, he feels the remnant of a track of tears under his thumb, sees the last bit of puffiness around his eyes.]
[Wrong is the only way he can really describe it.]
A lot.
[Does that mean, then, that the darkness inside of him is innate?
That he will never be able to escape the things that make him ugly?
The curtain falls and Asher inhales sharply, lashes curling as his lids shut tight and he tries to convince himself that he is foolish, that the information he has learned should not affect him in the least-]
But it's not you, it isn't-
[A shake of the head.]
Um.
[He sniffles.]
Did I ever tell you, like, what happened... The night before I got here?
[Not in any significant amount of detail. There'd been a bonfire, or something, Jin remembers vaguely; he'd gotten ditched by his classmates (those law school assholes). The facts in their most exact forms elude him even more when he's still trying to shake himself awake enough to hear Asher out properly.]
Not all of it, I don't think.
[Jin's hair moves back, winding as it always does in the dark curls of Asher's hair.]
[Asher does not respond all at once because he wishes to linger in this intimate embrace and appreciate the quiet team between just the two of them before all hell breaks loose.
[oh good lmfao now he wont fall asleep mid-heartfelt convo]
Sure.
[It's got to be important if Asher is leaving such a comfortable spot, so he'll respect it.
Slowly, Jin sits up, helping Asher back up by the hand too. Once they're both seated, he gives Asher an expectant look-- he's listening attentively, now wide awake.]
[His heart beats loudly within his chest, and Asher too rises to the occasion, although his reflexes are slow.
He reaches for a pillow which is then brought close to his bosom, a source of comfort for his nervous tics.]
I know I don't really talk... About school? Mostly because my world's hecka lame compared to yours...
[He is not a soldier, nor is he royalty. Everyone else he has met is special in some way, strong physically or mentally, good talkers, healers, kind hearts...
But what is he, really? What is Asher Millstone good at that the others aren't, what makes him unique, worth something?
He doesn't know.]
Like, before I got here, I never saved anybody, and... I was kind of a bad guy, I think.
[Misled perhaps, but the actions were still his own.]
Anyway, I know I told you a little bit about the bonfire, but that's not all of what happened that night.
[Asher blows air through his lips unenthusiastically.]
So I guess that means she's technically my boss? But not the biiiig baws, just like a mini, uh, boss lady.
[Sometimes the absence of sound does more justice to a situation than words could ever do, and this is one of those times. His hands fidget, wrestling with the pillow that has made its way back into his grasp.]
She was totally smashed, like, teeterin' from side to side, mascara everywhere-
[At that moment he gestures to his own face, still animated despite the serious subject.]
[He nods thoughtfully, following the story... and remaining unsure of what, exactly, to expect from it all.]
And your TA, a drunk mess, went over to your place because... why.
[Jin's not even sure what the worst case scenario even is, if Asher had looked so concerned by it all. His head cocks to the side, puzzled, as he awaits the answer.]
[It is only now, in truth, that Asher begins to make the connection.
Connor's car had been in the driveway that night when Asher himself had drunkenly stumbled over to the Keating residence, banging on the door with boorish fists. What if the deed had been done already and all of them had heard him scream, and Bonnie had only come over to give herself an alibi and rid their awful little circle of a rat?
Was that why she had been drinking? Because it was too disgusting, locking lips and spreading her thighs with him-]
We boned.
[The admission is casual, though there is a tinge of shame in it. Asher's backpedaling would seem suspicious to some, but Jin will know him to be sincere.]
It's not the way it sounds, I swear... She came onto me, I told her it probably wasn't a good idea, but she said she wanted to-
[He looks down at his lap, unable to meet the other's eyes.]
So I sat down beside her and I just let her do her thing.
We did it a couple of times-
[Asher cocks his head to the side, brows furrowing as if he's trying to remember every second of it in meticulous detail.]
On the couch, in the bathroom...
[cue a HIIIGH embarrassed brow raise]
On my bed...
But come mornin' time she pretty much didn't want anything to do with me.
[Asher shrugs, though the gesture appears to hurt.]
She made me feel like I was just some dumb mistake she'd made.
[The details don't really help. Jin reacts almost comically, expression distorting in bewilderment and eyebrows shooting up at some of the information (Asher he doesn't need to know what happened this specifically please???). It's in the past, of course, and it's evident enough that it didn't work out... but there's a jealous part of him that wills the hand on Asher's knee just a brush further inward.
Jin scoffs and squeezes Asher's thigh reassuringly.]
Her loss. [A faint smile.]
Is that's what's upsetting you? That she treated you like some kind of bad hookup?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It is the murder that should bother him most, and yet it does not.
Sam Keating may as well be another name in the papers. He is a specter of a man, a face from the first day of school, familiar but slowly fading in a mind that has had so much more to think about since then.
He does his best not to stir his supposedly sleeping boyfriend, entering abruptly and then stopping mid-motion as his hand tightens around the doorknob.]
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Ash?
[Jin's never been a particularly heavy sleeper, and he just doesn't sleep as well without the familiar warmth of his partner beside him, anyway. To tell the truth, he doesn't much like having to sleep without Asher, either-- but when he sleeps so much earlier than him, he's got to compromise every once in a while.]
What time is it...?
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Asher should not find comfort in that, not so belatedly and not now when Jin turns sleepily towards him, cheeks flushed and lids groggy with sleep. Something about the peace of it calms him down though his mind is still reeling from the impact of what he has just learned.
Of all the time he has wasted pitying himself.]
I... I dunno, actually.
[The words are uttered with a half-smile.]
Late, I guess.
[He shrugs his jacket off his shoulders, the lush fabric of it still in his hands as he takes a seat at the corner of the bed.]
Sorry. Were ya snoozin'?
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Mhm.
[He manages to raise himself up on an elbow as Asher's jacket comes off.]
Hey. [A tired smile.] Come to bed.
[Thoughts of Zymandis can wait. This is about all he's got on his mind right now.]
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[Asher flops against the mattress and onto his side, leaning into the sheets.
The white of the archer's linens has faded to a darker hue, not quite as light as the first time he'd seen and felt them on his skin, but more comfortable, somehow. Still, the color contrasts with the various patches of red in his face, still sensitive and not quite dry.
Dim lighting aside, there's no way Jin won't notice.]
This close enough?
[Even if those words are followed by a half-hearted scoff, there is little pretense there. Asher in no way means to hide how he's been feeling, and in fact, a part of him selfishly seeks a reaction.]
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His voice is off. There's a conspicuous something lacking in his tone: it's the sound of Asher burying some problem or hurt, whatever it is that's weighing on his heart pulling him just a little lower try as he might to buoy himself back up to the surface.
Jin shifts, and the bed creaks a little under the movement. His hand reaches for Asher's face, and when his palm falls into place cupped around Asher's cheek, he feels the remnant of a track of tears under his thumb, sees the last bit of puffiness around his eyes.]
What's wrong?
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A lot.
[Does that mean, then, that the darkness inside of him is innate?
That he will never be able to escape the things that make him ugly?
The curtain falls and Asher inhales sharply, lashes curling as his lids shut tight and he tries to convince himself that he is foolish, that the information he has learned should not affect him in the least-]
But it's not you, it isn't-
[A shake of the head.]
Um.
[He sniffles.]
Did I ever tell you, like, what happened... The night before I got here?
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[Not in any significant amount of detail. There'd been a bonfire, or something, Jin remembers vaguely; he'd gotten ditched by his classmates (those law school assholes). The facts in their most exact forms elude him even more when he's still trying to shake himself awake enough to hear Asher out properly.]
Not all of it, I don't think.
[Jin's hair moves back, winding as it always does in the dark curls of Asher's hair.]
Go for it, I'm listening.
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Quietly, he takes hold of the hand on his cheek.]
Is it okay if we sit up?
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Sure.
[It's got to be important if Asher is leaving such a comfortable spot, so he'll respect it.
Slowly, Jin sits up, helping Asher back up by the hand too. Once they're both seated, he gives Asher an expectant look--
he's listening attentively, now wide awake.]
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He reaches for a pillow which is then brought close to his bosom, a source of comfort for his nervous tics.]
I know I don't really talk... About school? Mostly because my world's hecka lame compared to yours...
[He is not a soldier, nor is he royalty. Everyone else he has met is special in some way, strong physically or mentally, good talkers, healers, kind hearts...
But what is he, really? What is Asher Millstone good at that the others aren't, what makes him unique, worth something?
He doesn't know.]
Like, before I got here, I never saved anybody, and... I was kind of a bad guy, I think.
[Misled perhaps, but the actions were still his own.]
Anyway, I know I told you a little bit about the bonfire, but that's not all of what happened that night.
[Not in the least.]
1/2
You don't want your world to not be lame, my best friend's a ninja whose master used to be a flaming skeleton.
1/2 also
2/2
[distressed blinking]
Oh, oh you meant literally.
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[.................though
come to think of it
he's never thought about whether hanzo is gay asher no dont plant these ideas into his head--]
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anD DOUCHILY BCUZ HE CAN'T FUCKIN RESIST-]
Huh.
[cheeky headtilt]
Was he hotter when he was actually on fire, or when he could like, y'know-
[puts hands behind heads and does a mini crotch thrusting motion
get it??? warmth vs attractiveness, a temperature joke]
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Jin makes a face though because no??? that's basically takeda's (second) dad, GROSS]
Ugh, neither. The guy's a control freak whackjob. And he's got that old man smell.
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I thought you liked older guys.
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[flirtatiously... touches asher's knee, jin dont be a sloot]
But tell me what happened that night.
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When reality sets in, however, he is forced to continue.]
Turns out, somebody did actually come to my party that night, it just...
Wasn't a student.
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So... who did come?
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One of my professor's assistants.
[Asher blows air through his lips unenthusiastically.]
So I guess that means she's technically my boss? But not the biiiig baws, just like a mini, uh, boss lady.
[Sometimes the absence of sound does more justice to a situation than words could ever do, and this is one of those times. His hands fidget, wrestling with the pillow that has made its way back into his grasp.]
She was totally smashed, like, teeterin' from side to side, mascara everywhere-
[At that moment he gestures to his own face, still animated despite the serious subject.]
A mess, basically.
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And your TA, a drunk mess, went over to your place because... why.
[Jin's not even sure what the worst case scenario even is, if Asher had looked so concerned by it all. His head cocks to the side, puzzled, as he awaits the answer.]
Asher, I don't get it. What's the big deal?
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Connor's car had been in the driveway that night when Asher himself had drunkenly stumbled over to the Keating residence, banging on the door with boorish fists. What if the deed had been done already and all of them had heard him scream, and Bonnie had only come over to give herself an alibi and rid their awful little circle of a rat?
Was that why she had been drinking? Because it was too disgusting, locking lips and spreading her thighs with him-]
We boned.
[The admission is casual, though there is a tinge of shame in it. Asher's backpedaling would seem suspicious to some, but Jin will know him to be sincere.]
It's not the way it sounds, I swear... She came onto me, I told her it probably wasn't a good idea, but she said she wanted to-
[He looks down at his lap, unable to meet the other's eyes.]
So I sat down beside her and I just let her do her thing.
We did it a couple of times-
[Asher cocks his head to the side, brows furrowing as if he's trying to remember every second of it in meticulous detail.]
On the couch, in the bathroom...
[cue a HIIIGH embarrassed brow raise]
On my bed...
But come mornin' time she pretty much didn't want anything to do with me.
[Asher shrugs, though the gesture appears to hurt.]
She made me feel like I was just some dumb mistake she'd made.
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Jin scoffs and squeezes Asher's thigh reassuringly.]
Her loss. [A faint smile.]
Is that's what's upsetting you? That she treated you like some kind of bad hookup?
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cw: self harm mention!
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i will propERLY END THIS