[well! after that public display, she'll bring him back to her suite in spring. she's always had it to herself so the return of the springles affects nothing.
lucretia takes a seat on the edge of the bed, gesturing for him to sit wherever he'd like.]
Sorry if that was a little-- forward for you, Sieghart.
[Sieghart sits on the arm of the couch, where he can face Lucretia without encroaching on her space, with Soluna propped beside him. Although his face is no longer so red, the reminder of what happened outside causes him to pinken.]
[Sweet? She thinks it was sweet? What part of licking someone on the mouth is sweet? Sieghart has so many questions, and they all swirl mutedly in his head, sparing Lucretia the drivel while he stares down at his boots.
I was just glad to see that you were the same as ever . . . ]
[He blinks at the contact, inwardly startled when realization dawns that his thoughts have outed him.
He considers telling her that she doesn't have to tell him this, because, objectively, he knows what she means. He considers it, but all he can think about is what drives her to be this way.]
. . . You really are kind.
[And it's the kind people who always suffer in silence.]
[it's what she's been used to. until about a year ago, she'd been-- horribly lonely, taking a hopeless job upon herself and just pushing forward, cut off from her family by necessity. even after bringing them in, she couldn't let herself just be close to them like they had been before.
to have someone here she could work with to help the others... even if it was short-lived, it was something she valued, and she never doubted he was doing the same in death.
still-- I don't know if you'd say so, if you knew the things I'd done.]
[Her silence amplifies her thoughts. There's so much to unpack in one thought alone, and the candid directness of it snaps his gaze from their hands to her face.]
[The week they shared memories was uncomfortable for him. When she frames it that way, however, he feels that it would be a disservice to feign ignorance.
[even after offering, even after explaining this before-- she still takes several moments.]
I... never told you how, exactly, the plan to reclaim the relics functioned. What it relied on at its core. The wars over them had to be stopped, in order to prevent further damage and bloodshed.
I erased all knowledge of the relics and the suffering they caused from our world-- I modified memories on a global scale, using a creature that could delete information from reality. No one but us remembered the wars, the destruction, the people who died in them. When members of the Bureau passed, we... we erased their memory, too. I inoculated everyone who I chose to bring into the Bureau, making them immune to the effects, but-- no one I hired was able to overcome the relics' thrall. Every Reclaimer I hired was lost to them.
The only people who could recover these relics were the people who made them in the first place, but... they didn't remember creating them, either.
[He listens, and through it all his mind races to piece the fragments of context together. He says nothing of the losses she created, of the precious people she erased from the lives of others. At the very last statement, he has but a single question that seeks to understand it:]
Why not?
[Why was it that their memories had to be erased when she remembers? Why was Lucretia doing everything alone?]
...the original plan to make the relics was meant to save our entire reality from something called the Hunger. If it obtained the power source that we hid inside those relics, it could absorb entire worlds-- we traveled to one hundred of them, and there were... many of them that we failed to save. But by splitting up that source, the Light, it wasn't able to find us. We were able to hide, we could stop running from world to world, and we thought... some danger in the world was better than losing the entire thing. I never wanted to do it, I had my own plan, but I was... overruled.
And we were wrong, Sieghart, what we did was-- it was a mistake. We damned that world. Lived apart from it and watched as it slowly killed itself over the relics we made, and I watched my family grow-- colder. Distant and withdrawn. I couldn't stand what coping with our mistakes was doing to them, that wasn't who they were, but I... I couldn't go against their will and the decision that we all made.
So... I had to change that will. If they forgot, I could fix it myself. They could live in that world and be happy, I could save all of us and let them remember when my work was done.
[What she's done is, by all accounts, horrifying. Manipulating the minds of people is an egregious sin—one that removes autonomy and spits on dignity. Memories are what shape people, and he's seen what their loss has done to the souls of the departed. For her to have done it to the entire world is chilling.
And yet, his mind can conjure only a singular question as he looks at her with empathy in his eyes:
[she's not looking at him-- she doesn't see the way he looks at her, but she hears that thought, and draws in a quick breath.
much as she tries to stifle it, there's: I missed them so much.]
...I know-- I know that it's something I'm going to have to atone for, I don't know yet just how I'm going to make up to them for what I've done. For pulling them into my work when they didn't even know me. But my plan will work. With the Light I drew back out of the relics, I can use my barrier to shield the entire world. Even the Hunger won't be able to break it-- I'm going to save them, Sieghart. All of them. We're not dying to this mission anymore.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w6, sunday
lucretia takes a seat on the edge of the bed, gesturing for him to sit wherever he'd like.]
Sorry if that was a little-- forward for you, Sieghart.
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[Sieghart sits on the arm of the couch, where he can face Lucretia without encroaching on her space, with Soluna propped beside him. Although his face is no longer so red, the reminder of what happened outside causes him to pinken.]
. . . I'm the one who should apologize.
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[she just sounds kind of amused, there.]
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Uh . . . well . . . that . . . you know!
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[He sounds defeated, more than he has ever sounded before. There's no good way to explain the end of that meeting.]
It just . . . happened.
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[but it was sweet, despite what it was, she thinks.]
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I was just glad to see that you were the same as ever . . . ]
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...so was I.
[she says that quietly.]
I really have missed having you here.
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. . . Sorry. I said all that, and then I left you alone with the kids.
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[kaine was compelled, and she knows he wouldn't have just abandoned them after what he said.]
But I've been keeping an eye on them for you, as much as I could.
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He watches her in what would have otherwise been silence.]
What about yourself?
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[in public, anyway. where it was visible, she's been fine.
she reaches out to take hold of one of his hands, though.]
...and you haven't broken any promises, Sieghart, not as far as I'm concerned. Not if you kept working over there and did what you could for them.
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He considers telling her that she doesn't have to tell him this, because, objectively, he knows what she means. He considers it, but all he can think about is what drives her to be this way.]
. . . You really are kind.
[And it's the kind people who always suffer in silence.]
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to have someone here she could work with to help the others... even if it was short-lived, it was something she valued, and she never doubted he was doing the same in death.
still-- I don't know if you'd say so, if you knew the things I'd done.]
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Lucretia?
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[a brief moment of confusion, before she realizes that-- ah. that must have kicked in again.]
...which part of that did you happen to hear.
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I don't know what you've done, and I won't ask.
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...I've spoken of it with others, here, after-- our memories were shown to everyone. If you asked, I wouldn't refuse.
[it's a part of why she accepted the offer to join the murder club, after all.]
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All he takes is a brief moment of consideration.]
Then tell me what you want me to know.
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I... never told you how, exactly, the plan to reclaim the relics functioned. What it relied on at its core. The wars over them had to be stopped, in order to prevent further damage and bloodshed.
I erased all knowledge of the relics and the suffering they caused from our world-- I modified memories on a global scale, using a creature that could delete information from reality. No one but us remembered the wars, the destruction, the people who died in them. When members of the Bureau passed, we... we erased their memory, too. I inoculated everyone who I chose to bring into the Bureau, making them immune to the effects, but-- no one I hired was able to overcome the relics' thrall. Every Reclaimer I hired was lost to them.
The only people who could recover these relics were the people who made them in the first place, but... they didn't remember creating them, either.
[because of her.]
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Why not?
[Why was it that their memories had to be erased when she remembers? Why was Lucretia doing everything alone?]
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And we were wrong, Sieghart, what we did was-- it was a mistake. We damned that world. Lived apart from it and watched as it slowly killed itself over the relics we made, and I watched my family grow-- colder. Distant and withdrawn. I couldn't stand what coping with our mistakes was doing to them, that wasn't who they were, but I... I couldn't go against their will and the decision that we all made.
So... I had to change that will. If they forgot, I could fix it myself. They could live in that world and be happy, I could save all of us and let them remember when my work was done.
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[What she's done is, by all accounts, horrifying. Manipulating the minds of people is an egregious sin—one that removes autonomy and spits on dignity. Memories are what shape people, and he's seen what their loss has done to the souls of the departed. For her to have done it to the entire world is chilling.
And yet, his mind can conjure only a singular question as he looks at her with empathy in his eyes:
Just how lonely were you?]
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much as she tries to stifle it, there's: I missed them so much.]
...I know-- I know that it's something I'm going to have to atone for, I don't know yet just how I'm going to make up to them for what I've done. For pulling them into my work when they didn't even know me. But my plan will work. With the Light I drew back out of the relics, I can use my barrier to shield the entire world. Even the Hunger won't be able to break it-- I'm going to save them, Sieghart. All of them. We're not dying to this mission anymore.
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