cactusy: (are you all about to die?)

cw: suicide

[personal profile] cactusy 2024-12-20 07:07 pm (UTC)(link)
[One minute, they're both lying in bed, Shaw's mind pleasantly hazy from alcohol, sleepiness, and the warmth of Root's body against her back. The next minute, all three of those things are gone when Root vanishes wholesale, blinking away as if she'd never been there at all.

The experience neatly cuts through both the tipsiness and the tiredness, and when Shaw swings herself out of bed and onto her feet, her mind is alert and racing. It's obvious what's happened: really, the biggest surprise is that this is the first time she's experiencing it. A long-running simulation like this one has to experience glitches and coding bugs. Now she just has to figure out how bad it is - and determine if it's likely to get worse.

Bear comes running into the bedroom, which is the first major relief. The second major relief is that all of Root's stuff is still here, from her tablets on the nightstand to her toothbrush and towel in the bathroom; in fact, a quick overview of the apartment (Bear, as ever, at her heels) doesn't turn up anything amiss at all. Okay, she tells herself, to the beat of her heart thudding in her ear. Okay, okay, okay. Root's gone, but the presence of her hasn't been erased. Root may or may not come back, but none of Shaw's memories are proving to be false or overwritten. Root may or may not come back, but Shaw isn't losing her mind. And that's a hell of a relief, it really is, but--

Root may or may not come back.]


One or two a week.

[She mutters to herself under her breath. It's the statistic she'd been given not long ago, an estimate of how many people vanish into thin air, and the sort of glitch that Root had obviously been made a casualty of. Snatching up her own tablet, she quickly scrolls back to the conversation and reads through it again. Backups, copies, reloading old data--

It probably won't work. She'd told Root that she wouldn't try again because she didn't see any reason to, and she'd meant it. But that was then and this is now, and if she can do something to reboot her tiny little portion of the system, when Root has only just disappeared and her data might not yet have been reallocated or overwritten - then it's sure as hell worth a try, no matter how unlikely it is to succeed.

She shoos Bear out of the room first, closing the bedroom door firmly behind him. And then she picks up her gun from the bedside table, holds it in her hand, and--

Root reappears, just as unceremoniously as she'd vanished. And Shaw, half-raised gun in hand, has a look on her face akin to that of a kid who's been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She may not do guilt, but apparently she does Oh crap, you weren't supposed to see this pretty damn well. She drops the gun, letting it clatter to the floor.]


I'm not gonna do it.
cactusy: (welcome to international waters)

[personal profile] cactusy 2024-12-20 11:05 pm (UTC)(link)
You vanished, and since it had just happened I thought rebooting quickly might bring you back.

[There's an edge of defensiveness to her tone as she stands there, tense shoulders visible under the tank top she'd slept in, preparing to preemptively refute any concerns Root might throw at her.]

I'm not going to do it. But you vanished, and I didn't hallucinate it; Bear noticed, too.

[At least, that's how she's choosing to interpret the way he'd followed her around the apartment, sniffing non-stop.]
cactusy: (our big beautiful future cemetery)

[personal profile] cactusy 2024-12-24 03:47 pm (UTC)(link)
[When Root suddenly stops and closes her eyes, Shaw crosses the distance between them in just a couple of strides, studying Root's face hard and putting her hands on her shoulders to steady her. Waves of dizziness won't win on her watch; she's got this.]

Okay.

[She says slowly - tightening her grip, fingertips digging in.]

What was the verdict?
cactusy: (we've got a coma to resume)

[personal profile] cactusy 2024-12-24 04:35 pm (UTC)(link)
[The verdict is so not what Shaw was expecting that she has the exact same impulse. She tips her head forward and tries to muffle her laugh against Root's shoulder, not wanting to offend or give the wrong impression - but when she hears Root's own outburst, she stops bothering, lifting her face and revealing a grim smile.

It's a relief, in its own weird way. She doesn't like it, but she's glad that Root's not going to be tortured.]


I'm still going to be here, though.

[She says, giving Root's shoulders a squeeze.]

It's gonna be okay.
cactusy: (our big beautiful future cemetery)

[personal profile] cactusy 2024-12-25 09:39 pm (UTC)(link)
[She can't say That won't happen; even for normal people, having time is never a guarantee. But it's also a possibility that Shaw is used to living with, so she's neither surprised by the question, nor paralyzed by it. She nudges her forehead against Root's neck in a way that she hopes is soothing.]

You got anything that's been left unsaid so far?
cactusy: (just choose a bed in Hotel Sadness)

[personal profile] cactusy 2024-12-25 10:13 pm (UTC)(link)
[Shaw decides not to tell her that she already knows. If they do get time, then she will eventually; she thinks Root would like the idea of the Machine passing on reassurances on her behalf. For now, though, she doesn't want to derail the moment, because she has some unsaid things of her own. For her entire life, she's always felt that there were words that weren't meant for her to use: that even if she could care for people in her own way, it wasn't appropriate for her to use the same language for it that normal people did, as if doing so would somehow sully or cheapen the feeling in its full-throated form. That if she went ahead and used those words anyway, she'd be called out for being a fraud, and rightfully so.

But in that same conversation, the Machine had told her that Root thought she was beautiful for her differences and deficiencies, not in spite of them. And she thinks that means that Root won't mind her being a fraud at all.]


I, uh-- you know I love you, right?
cactusy: (I cannot solve clinical depression)

[personal profile] cactusy 2024-12-25 10:39 pm (UTC)(link)
You don't need to cry.

[She murmurs, gently swiping a thumb over Root's left eye. She understands context clues, she knows that these are happy tears, but all the same--]

I'm good, Root. If I disappear, or you disappear, I've got no regrets.
cactusy: (I cannot solve clinical depression)

[personal profile] cactusy 2024-12-25 11:41 pm (UTC)(link)
You should stay.

[Shaw says, stepping back immediately and dropping her hands from Root's shoulders.]

I'm already dressed, and this was your stolen apartment first. And Bear--

[She looks down at him by her side, his tail wagging expectantly.]

He can go back and forth between us, right? You don't get disoriented around him?
cactusy: (welcome to international waters)

[personal profile] cactusy 2024-12-26 12:01 am (UTC)(link)
[Shaw risks leaning in for a very, very quick kiss.]

Promise.
cactusy: (she's 85% of my impulse control)

[personal profile] cactusy 2024-12-26 12:11 am (UTC)(link)
[Shaw doesn't hesitate, nor does she take the time to pack a bag or gather up any possessions: she's been here for a short enough time that she hasn't accumulated much, anything she leaves behind will be waiting for her a month from now, and any basic possessions she needs before then can be acquired elsewhere. With the clothes on her back, her gun, her tablet, and her dog, she head for the door, and she goes.]