[The screen flickers on to a boy wearing an amused grin.]

Everyone!

I've got good news!  You're forgiven!  The angel I summoned said so himself; God would definitely forgive you in a heartbeat because man's heart is weak, as is his mind, and we're all, uh, susceptible to the workings of the Evil One, and even as we wallow in our filth and sin, we -- You know what, forget God; I forgive you.

Seriously, no one could possibly blame you for what happened last week even if some of us were lucky enough to be scorpion magnets.  Misery has it right - the important thing is to make sure that it doesn't happen again.  If you all missed the announcements from the higher-ups, the people who were affected most severely were Scorpios.  ...If you don't know what that means, in modern times on Earth - that's the 2000s - they were born when the Sun was in the sector of the sky dominated by the constellation Scorpio.  This makes no sense if you were born outside Earth or in a time when we didn't go in for ridiculous things like pretending arbitrary sky-pictures meant anything about our lives, but the important thing is that the sun transitions into Scorpio beginning on October 23rd.

Guess what last week was.

The next sign is Sagittarius.  The sun will shift into its sector on November 22nd.

So let's clear a few things out of the way - Everyone who was afraid, can you report in with your sign?  Same thing if you were a scorpion magnet, though maybe that's more of a subjective thing.  And everyone who's a Sagittarius, do you mind if we tie you to your beds from November, oh, 18th-ish to the 23rd?  Your choices are (Yes/Of course/Definitely).  If your name is Jun, (That's kinda kinky) works, too.  If you don't know your sign, Sagittarius goes from late November into late December - so the end of a harvest season into winter in the Northern hemisphere, and the end of spring into summer in the South.

I'll keep track of the data.  It's kinda my thing.

Oh -- this has nothing to do with anything, but I'm working in the computer labs of the university now.  Drop by if you ever need anything fixed or if you just want to say hi.