Entry tags:
Adam Parrish

I'm not calling you a ghost, just stop haunting me
and I love you so much, I'm gonna let you kill me
There's a ghost in my lungs and it sighs in my sleep
Wraps itself around my tongue as it softly speaks
Then it walks, then it walks with my legs
To fall, to fall, to fall at your feet

night 8
Being alone with himself is the worst possible thing at the moment. That's why he accepted Luke's invitation to stay at his home without a second thought. When he's alone, his senses are filled with a gun firing at him and then double the memories attack him—some in Virginia, some in the Columbia Commonwealth—and the utter fear of being killed with that gun. If it's not that, then he thinks about killing Franziska. It's not that he regrets it, but the feeling of beating someone to death is the worst possible thing. He never wanted that.
So he can't be alone or he thinks he might suffocate. He leaves his bedroom to go to Luke's, creeping as if he doesn't want to disturb him but still asks: ] Are you awake?
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He doesn't turn his head, but he responds.]
Something like that. Think the question is what're you doing up?
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Couldn't sleep. Just like you, apparently. [ There's a pause and then he leans against the door frame. ] What's on your mind?
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…you first.
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A lot of things. Things that happened at the complex. Things before that. [ A pause. Luke said to ask an easier question. ] The murders. You didn't do them but were you there when they happened?
[ He'd been defending Luke about this in the previous trial without ever knowing for certain. ]
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...the science team watches the murders take place, yes. But the victims don't know that. We're hidden somewhere else.
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Did you ever feel guilty about it? Did you think about it after?
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Was it what they talked about—that only five people could leave? You getting out was the greater good?
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...Adam. Do you know what a Vault is? [It's the beginning of a conversation, but also...checking to see if Adam has any new memories.]
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Obviously I do. I remember things now. Everything. That's what you meant when you said you understood yourself better after coming here, right?
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So the whole reason you gathered people here to kill them was... to create stress. Well, good job I guess. You've seen a lot of results.
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How would you feel? You always wanted to do things yourself. Or was that fake?
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He wasn't even one of them and he still killed someone. Does he have a right to tell Luke off about it? ] Is that what you've been thinking about? What you did back there and what you saw?
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You can see why I said "ask an easier question."
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It's really, really messed up. [ He looks over at Luke. ] So you're not a demigod or anything. Those are pretty weird memories to have, aren't they? Who are you really?
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No. I'm not, but I'm starting to see exactly why they keyed me up to think I was one. They're clever for making the stories line up. [He runs a hand through his hair.] ...my name's still Luke Castellan. I'm still 19. But...I'm a psychology student. A psych student with a background in a lot of things. I used to help design vaults. I used to help design vaults exactly like the one we were just in.
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How exactly does your story line up with being a demigod and running away from monsters and going to a magic camp? [ It's not derisive, he's really interested. ]
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[He frowns though.] My mom went crazy, my little sister and I were sent to live at a boarding school year-round because my dad was too busy to take responsibility for us and we both learned how to take care of ourselves. I raised her by myself. I met some atrocious people in the outside world. I met my best friend when we were younger…stuff like that. It was mostly a large exaggeration of what I already knew.
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[ His fingers play with the bedding while he listens. It's a lot of new information about Luke and it makes sense. ] So the little girl was your sister. I think it was mostly the same for me. Just... the same thing but in the past, in a different version of America. I don't know why magic had to be a part of it. [ A pause. ] Wish they could have made some things a little nicer. Now I have double the shitty memories.
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